Voices from Within

Oh well..

My summer is going well. Hope things are fine with you guys too.

Its been a busy summer so far

• A math course to dig out the forgotten probability theory
• Auditing a Neuroscience/Psychology course on  Cognitive development. Fascinating.
• Teaching Assistant for a basic prog course. My students adore me, obviously.
• Swimming - fish in the see, I know how you feel....
• Salsa dancing - Never knew dancing could be fun. I'm getting pretty good at it too.
• Biking - started biking to school
• Research is going well too. Started a Fun project to generate puns/jokes automatically. Will kill you guys with my auto PJs sometime.

Now, coming back to the title,
There are days when I struggle.. in such pressure.. when I need some support, some pillar to lean on. Times when I long for a good friend, to share and discuss.

I had such a bad week a while ago and was really looking for a break...

And then, on a friday, I got an email from a friend, inviting me to a AOL satsang for Guru Poornima.
Like any other invitation, I didn't RSVP.

Then, later in the same afternoon I landed on a random webpage, with a PDF - DiaryofaDisciple, an everyday journal of a disciple of Swami Vivekananda. It was a eazy, light, happy read and he went on and on about how a Guru knows his followers and gives them what they want. He says, one needn't even ask. Just wanting is enough!

Then, it struck. I realized the Calling!!!

I had to change plans for the evening and made sure I was there. Helpful friends gave me a ride to the place far far away. And well.... I got my questions answered. (kinda)

I have this knack of meeting some really amazing people in the most unusual circumstances. The good evening, turned greater awesome when a gentleman, offered a ride home. Ah, the simple things that we discussed in the car.. well, some things are better left unsaid.

Life has its own way of sorting things out!!

love,
-Vinodh

If you want a quickie of what last-week's AOL Yesplus workshop was about, the title says it all.

The longer version is..
I took the course because, couple of folks, who I highly respect have been recommending this for a while and boy, am I glad that I did?? I had the most awesome time with some of the coolest people I've ever met.

This would probably be the only "spiritual" course, where you run around trees in the parking lot, dance crazy steps and do impromptu skits. I still wonder how it was possible, to make such a serious course, so much fun. It was a good blend of great breathing techniques, the famed SudarshanKriya and some freakish games.

What I liked most is the philosophy of simplicity itself. I tend to clutter myself with a lot of stale stuff. The forgotten saying - 'forgive and forget' restated:: Life is so short to carry around all the emotional baggage. Shed the weight. Travel light. Simplify life! - good concept, I should try.

The course was pretty deep with pranayamas, kriyas and meditation. But, if you just wanna nibble at the surface, you can takeaway a simple view:: Be happy - no matter what! Keep your mind at peace, at any cost! (Does this seem selfish? May be ..)

The homeworks were eye opening too: Make 3 new friends a day, do a nice thing to your parents. I was kinda surprised to see, how friendly strangers are and how even small actions can make someone's day.

On the whole, I got to reflect on myself and the workshop was hugely helpful in calming me down and I learnt some cool breathing techniques.

Until nexttime, be intensely happy
-Vinodh

Oh well,

Long time indeed. How are you all doing?

From my end...
The crazy semester finally ended. Getting back to academia after 5 long years was not as eazy as I thought.  The Industry had 'spoilt' me. But, I shouldn't complain. I had my share of fun in Bangalore. I should have expected this and made room for the initial ramp-up. Once I got into the groove, things started rolling. At the end, things got better and sem went Ok. And one of my papers got accepted to an IEEE conf (this will be my 2nd pub).

The good news is - there is a big tamil gang in UT and the bad news is most of them are like 4 yrs younger. It took a while to stop them from calling me - 'vaanga-ponga'. But still fun gang.


Summer break now. No big plans. Will be on campus doing stuff and taking a minor course in psychology.


And btw, I've registered for Art of Living course this week and looking forward to it.. all excited.


as always, be your super-self

-Vinodh

Hello folks,

Greetings from Austin!!

I've reached Austin and settling in well. Moved in to an apt close to the campus, got a Phone, bought an old bike for commute, registered for courses... and the classes start tomorrow.

2011 has been awesome so far. On new year's day, I got a complimentary upgrade to business class, thanks to BA. :)
Austin has been very kind. - Apt hunting was ok. not tough; Weather is cold, but not severe.

Life is good in general - Making new friends, learning new things, cooking new stuff.

All is well here, except that I miss my morning Filter coffee and Masala dosa.

Until nexttime,
Be awesome,
--Vinodh

Hello folks,

We all know that vinbot has been very busy the last few months.. What has he been doing???

Here is the big secret. Most of the regulars should know already. But for the secretly following lot...

Finally, I've decided to jump back in to Academia!!! I've been pondering over it for a looong time.. and now, I think is just the right time.

This January, I'm off to UT Austin to pursue Masters and eventually a PhD.

Let me tell you, Its a tiring process - GRE, Toefl, writing-rewriting SOP, apping to different univs, mailing profs, waiting for admits, prepping financial docs, I20 and the insane VISA process... aaaahh!

I plan to be in Bangalore till Dec 23. I'll be flying out on Jan 1 from Chennai.

All excited, and a bit scared too!!



cheers,
Vinodh

Week one:
The best part of my day
is the Good Morning that you say!!

And week two:
So charming are you
as lovely as morning dew.

Week three and four:
life awesome - restore
feel like a sailor seeing
the sweet Sand ashore!

-- Vinodh

p.s. I know.. Not very rhyming and not very deep. But had a great time writing. Life is good indeed!


Photo credits: timgoldsmith

Back in Blore after a super lazy vacationing week at home.

Long story short..
I had got Endhiran tickets for Thursday nite. 
Multiple things happened on the same day. I was so frustrated and missing the movie was the least of my worries.

So, I auctioned the ticket at work..
10% discount?? none
25% ?? none
Get two pay for one?? - still none.

I've already had enough for the day and finally I gave away the tickets for Free!!

And magically, the problem modified itself to be more solvable.
Is this - Instant karma???

-Vinodh

Not everyday, you go 'Ooooh-my-God'; Not very often you see something sooo beautiful.. so awesome.. that makes you feel so blissful and complete.

Its been a while, since I wrote here; Been busy with multiple things. But this is something, I'd like to look back and cherish.

It was during the past weekend, when I least expected it. It started out as a simple-trip to a colleague's wedding in a nearby town, Vellore. The journey was pleasant; We discussed random things from running, traffic, evolution, work, love, Indian marriages and even God.

Time permitting, we decided to visit the new Golden temple in Sripuram. We had to wait a while, and walk a mile.. And then the good trip turned greater-awesome.

Yeah. I'm not the temple guy. But this aint that. This is big dive, deep into awesomeness !! Some times you just need to see these to realize how beautiful life really is.

The fabulously lit Golden vimanas againt the evening grey and their reflections in the pond... Awwww....

I'm doing injustice to the place, by trying to explain it in words. Go there and feel it.

"Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away" - This is one such moment!

Until next time,

Happy living,

-Vinodh

Strange day! Woke up with an unusual feeling that nothing really matters. Observed my actions the whole day for something significant.. something important.. something inspiring.. But NO.. May be, nothing matters.. really..

This is me venting about last week's Mangalore Crash.
 ----

One moment, everything is fine,
the next, fire and flame
starting the game blame.

I ask why?
How can a 6 month old have bad karma,
None understands all the drama!

Is it a coincidence or Bad action?
Bad weather or sleeping pilot,
doesn't matter now - all but
smoke, ashes, death and decay.

I doubt if there is a God,
Even If there is one,
He ain't doing any good job at all.

All those who ceased,
May they rest in peace.

-Vinodh

Lets say, you are taking a leisure evening walk in the woods. As you go past a pond, you see a child drowning - Would you save her?

What if, it means to ruin a pair of expensive-shoes?

Will you still save her?

Do you still say - YES?

Then why not spend the cost of the shoes to save some 10 kids who are starved (of food, of education, of other basic needs)

---

I work with Asha, a NGO in Bangalore for the education of the under-previleged. This season, I've pledged to raise INR 50K.
Please consider donating - here .

If you choose to help some other cause, thats perfectly fine too!

cheers,
Vinodh

p.s. I read this provocative question in one of Peter Singer's works.

And then, the week got better as I realized something interesting.

As I encountered, these one by one, a part of me felt like crap. But there was another part, which observed this part feeling bad!

Its like "Me seeing my-agitated-other-self" - A calm Super Ego monitoring the suffering Ego.

and then I saw another 'me', a higher-ego overseeing and  "this Super Ego observing the Ego".

now, Who am I?

What a wretched week!!

Monday: Back to Bangalore - find my keys missing. Had to stay in friend's place for two days.
- No Bike, no laptop, no books, no iPod;
I could have shopped, but then, I decided to "experience" it - same clothes and smelly socks!! - aaah!

When I finally reached work late - the weekend simulations had crashed!

Wednesday: Email from Income Tax Dept about the non-receipt of my ITR-V. Called my C.A. He says, "We could have missed it. Can you re-sign and post it yourselves?" - WTH!

Thursday: A legal notice from a lawyer about non-payment of a broadband fee - for the service, which I had terminated looong time ago! 30 min with the dumb customer-care girl to explain their messup.

Friday: The week spills over. Who likes cubicle weekends.

Huh! When it rains, it pours!
lets see what the weekend has in store!

-Vinbot

These are very, very different things and I don't know why do I confuse them?
I'm unsure of what the cause of my recent actions/decisions are.

Is it an act of Love or.. Fear of not doing it??
Or - is the fear of the possible Guilt of consequences of not doing it.
gets worse, when Gratitude joins the list.

At a deeper level, I kinda know the answer. But I pretend, that everything is fine. Things are under control.
I shield myself with lies - knowing that the truth'll cut-in even deeper.

A while back, I started asking myself this question : "Why do I do, what I do??"

If, the answer is something other than, "I want to do!", I think again.

"Need to do " - "supposed to do" - "meant to do" - "expected to do" : I'm sorry!!

Sometimes, I come up with weird answers like "That's the right thing to do." - I'm not sure how to deal with this yet!

I'm amazed at the number of things that I did, with out fully understanding Why!
I thought, I was living consciously until...

Now, what do you do when the most important folks ask for the most important things?

Its certainly not having-the-cake-and-eating types. Its not even a cake. Not the same cake, atleast!

Its like having to make a choice, without wanting to. And worse, a choice with all these varied emotions mixed up.

Will this Maniac March clear up things?

-Vinodh

Here is another experiment and a super failure!!

On 9 Feb'10,  I deleted all the previous posts to reset the blog.. I said to myself - a Fresh Start .. Brand new Life... Tabula-rasa.. The Big Bang.

An experiment at Ctrl+Z;
life-prompt> rm -rf / ;

Also to make a metaphorical point!! rather to myself!

I almost got away with this, until last week.

I was lazily looking at a silly email fwd, of an optical illusion.. And I didn't get it the first time. But, when I saw the answer, I saw it.. But, when I tried to see it again, it was so obvious, it was no more fun! - how did I miss that!

When you get to know something, see something - there is NO WAY you can un-learn un-see it.

Have you felt this? - When you listen to the same track the second time, it loses its magic. You don't feel the same emotions.

With everyone you meet,
with every step you take..
with every spoken word,
with every book read, every music track,
with every passing moment,

You change.. You change for ever!! You are never the same - ever again.!!

This expt was a crude attempt of denial;
a futile effort to re-model the reality;

When I discussed this with my super-mom, she quipped,
If you can have a clean slate everytime, whats the fun?

-Vinbot

----
Oh yeah, before deleting, I took a xml-backup of the blog - to show my grand children. I thought they'd be amused at my poetic skills. All the prev posts shd be back shortly.

The Sun is home and shining again.. brighter than ever!

At times, life surprises you with an unexpected googly -  a lethal bouncer!!
It stuns you; Shakes you up; Makes you relook at life;
You panic! You're overcome by the mounting fear of taking guard ever again!

---
Biggest is the fear,
of losing someone dear!

You shudder at
the mere thought of walking alone,
in this world unknown;

crossing this desert-sand
without the helping-hand?

Hoping, the Sun lives on,
We all need the light to go-on!!

-Vinbot

This life is short,
the vanities of the world are transient..
says Vivekananda.

How very true..

We have all been slaves to the past,
either basking in the glory of the bygone days,
or dwelling painfully in the past hurts.

Either way you missout in the present.

Well, in this short journey, why would anyone wanna carry the extra e-baggage.

De-clutter your life.
Shed your skin; There is lot more in life to fill your wardrobe.
Go shopping!

-Vinodh

Can't believe is been a year!

What if, I had over-slept the same day last year??

---

So, different it could have been
I wonder how'd be the otherside - Green?
perhaps unfazed by the cold-shiver,
had I not met the flowing river!

-Vinodh