Voices from Within

Strange day! Woke up with an unusual feeling that nothing really matters. Observed my actions the whole day for something significant.. something important.. something inspiring.. But NO.. May be, nothing matters.. really..

This is me venting about last week's Mangalore Crash.
 ----

One moment, everything is fine,
the next, fire and flame
starting the game blame.

I ask why?
How can a 6 month old have bad karma,
None understands all the drama!

Is it a coincidence or Bad action?
Bad weather or sleeping pilot,
doesn't matter now - all but
smoke, ashes, death and decay.

I doubt if there is a God,
Even If there is one,
He ain't doing any good job at all.

All those who ceased,
May they rest in peace.

-Vinodh

Lets say, you are taking a leisure evening walk in the woods. As you go past a pond, you see a child drowning - Would you save her?

What if, it means to ruin a pair of expensive-shoes?

Will you still save her?

Do you still say - YES?

Then why not spend the cost of the shoes to save some 10 kids who are starved (of food, of education, of other basic needs)

---

I work with Asha, a NGO in Bangalore for the education of the under-previleged. This season, I've pledged to raise INR 50K.
Please consider donating - here .

If you choose to help some other cause, thats perfectly fine too!

cheers,
Vinodh

p.s. I read this provocative question in one of Peter Singer's works.

And then, the week got better as I realized something interesting.

As I encountered, these one by one, a part of me felt like crap. But there was another part, which observed this part feeling bad!

Its like "Me seeing my-agitated-other-self" - A calm Super Ego monitoring the suffering Ego.

and then I saw another 'me', a higher-ego overseeing and  "this Super Ego observing the Ego".

now, Who am I?

What a wretched week!!

Monday: Back to Bangalore - find my keys missing. Had to stay in friend's place for two days.
- No Bike, no laptop, no books, no iPod;
I could have shopped, but then, I decided to "experience" it - same clothes and smelly socks!! - aaah!

When I finally reached work late - the weekend simulations had crashed!

Wednesday: Email from Income Tax Dept about the non-receipt of my ITR-V. Called my C.A. He says, "We could have missed it. Can you re-sign and post it yourselves?" - WTH!

Thursday: A legal notice from a lawyer about non-payment of a broadband fee - for the service, which I had terminated looong time ago! 30 min with the dumb customer-care girl to explain their messup.

Friday: The week spills over. Who likes cubicle weekends.

Huh! When it rains, it pours!
lets see what the weekend has in store!

-Vinbot

These are very, very different things and I don't know why do I confuse them?
I'm unsure of what the cause of my recent actions/decisions are.

Is it an act of Love or.. Fear of not doing it??
Or - is the fear of the possible Guilt of consequences of not doing it.
gets worse, when Gratitude joins the list.

At a deeper level, I kinda know the answer. But I pretend, that everything is fine. Things are under control.
I shield myself with lies - knowing that the truth'll cut-in even deeper.

A while back, I started asking myself this question : "Why do I do, what I do??"

If, the answer is something other than, "I want to do!", I think again.

"Need to do " - "supposed to do" - "meant to do" - "expected to do" : I'm sorry!!

Sometimes, I come up with weird answers like "That's the right thing to do." - I'm not sure how to deal with this yet!

I'm amazed at the number of things that I did, with out fully understanding Why!
I thought, I was living consciously until...

Now, what do you do when the most important folks ask for the most important things?

Its certainly not having-the-cake-and-eating types. Its not even a cake. Not the same cake, atleast!

Its like having to make a choice, without wanting to. And worse, a choice with all these varied emotions mixed up.

Will this Maniac March clear up things?

-Vinodh